– Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel announced today that it would shut down for what it called “routine maintenance” Monday morning at 11:30 E.T.

Fox News president Roger Ailes explained the timing of the shutdown, which will be the first in the history of the network: “We wanted to pick a time when we were positive nothing would be happening that our viewers would want to see.”

Mr. Ailes said that Fox had considered shutting down only once before, exactly four years earlier on January 20, 2009, and later regretted the decision to continue broadcasting that day: “It turned out that no Fox viewers wanted to watch TV that day. And I mean none.”

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